Spliced!
by Godogma
Summary: Demonic bloodlines lie dormant in many of their descendants until the proper trigger is found.
1. Chapter 1

**Spliced!**

**Author's Note: I'm borrowing this idea if not the execution of it from Cypher3au's story Gene-Spliced Harry, and with a few tweaks it works in BtVS.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Gene-Spliced Harry, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Batman Beyond (which Redpriest17 says he borrowed the Splicer thing from – though I remember Gendo Giovanni using gene splicing on Pokemon before that came out.)**

Xander looked at his father in stupefied fashion before shaking his head firmly and heading out before he decked him. "Idiot bastard told a science firm that I'd help them test some experimental medical procedure and I have to go see what the hell he tried to get me in for now."

Xander cursed fluently in several languages that he didn't even realize he knew as he continued down the street toward the GeneTech building where he paused to take in the exterior. The building was painted white and the glare would have been blinding if it hadn't been for the greenery arrayed around the place. He continued to curse as his feet resolutely moved him forward toward the entrance as his mind was still coming up with very interesting things to do by way of revenge versus the surly drunk known variously about town as either worthless or a prime supporter of their business depending on where he happened to be at the time.

The receptionist smiled brightly at Xander and shook her head at the various demonic profanities exiting his mouth, undoubtedly learned from researching with the Watcher at the high school library, how his father thought him stupid she didn't understand. Her bright chuckle as he described staking his father out to be bred to death by a chaos demon drew his eyes and she smiled broadly at him, her blue-gray eyes lit up and her straight white teeth sparkling in the incandescent light.

Xander himself was rendered speechless, the girl in front of him was obviously of some demonic breed or other – she not only understood his curses, she also had fox ears and a long fluffy tail he could see hanging behind her out the back of her chair through the glass desk and black claws were tapping gently at her keyboard. Aside from these obvious abnormalities she was in appearance a very beautiful woman in her early twenties or late teens with a lithe body and high firm breasts.

As he stopped speechlessly she smiled at him. "Welcome to GeneTech, I'm Amber and it's a pleasure to meet you Alexander," as the girl greeted him by name he looked almost as if someone had hit him with a brick as he gaped like a fish out of water.

"Xander … call me Xander," he dazedly replied as she stood and swayed over to him, gently taking his elbow.

"Your father scheduled your appointment for this afternoon and we have your medical records, it is as I said a pleasure to meet you, Xander."

"Are you… a kitsune?" Xander trailed off, unable to find a way to ask if the beautiful girl before him was a demon with any sort of subtlety.

"Please, do I look Japanese to you?" She grinned up at him impishly.

His brain reacting faster than his mental filter Xander replied, "No, but you're quite the fox."

Amber blushed prettily as she guided him down the hallway and toward an examination room. "The doctor will be with you shortly to answer all your questions before the procedure."

"Procedure?" Xander asked numbly as he took a seat in what looked to be a typical doctor's office, with the exception of the posters which featured humans with animal traits. Taking a closer look at one that appeared to be warning about the dangers of smoking it advised a one percent shark splice to prevent lung cancer.

"Splice?" he muttered his confusion plain on his face.

"Yes, splice," a tall man in a doctor's coat with more than a touch of cat about him said as he silently entered the room.

Xander opened his mouth and the man help up a hand. "Please no pussy comments, I've heard them all."

"I thought I saw, I say, I thought I saw a putty cat," Xander said in one of the worst Foghorn Leghorn imitations ever heard.

"Good lord, you took it as a challenge," the man groaned. "You know I can splice in a touch of parrot so you can at least sound like who you're trying to imitate, however I'm afraid there is no splice that can fix your horrible sense of humor."

"Splice?" Xander asked again with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes splice," the man replied. "Didn't you read the pamphlets we sent?"

"Never received any," Xander replied with a shrug.

"I sent them with your father so you'd know what we do here and to allay any fears you might have."

"Of course you did," Xander deadpanned, muttering curses under his breath again.

"You can curse fluently in several demonic languages, but you can't do a halfway decent Foghorn Leghorn imitation?"

"Cursing in foreign languages comes easily and how do you know about all of this?"

"I'm a Mymo'k. We naturally absorb DNA from local species which provides us many advantages, however it does not allow us to blend in very easily. One day one of us came up with the brilliant idea of figuring out how we absorb DNA and add it to our own and to provide the service for others. It serves several purposes. One; we can blend in to human society much better so we are not restricted to furry conventions and certain holidays, two we can provide the benefits of our talent for everyone and last but not least, we can become as rich as Nazis doing so," the doctor finished in a perfect mimic of Daffy Duck.

Xander just stared at him with shock written across his features.

"What?"

"Most demons try and hide what they do."

"Most demons are idiots who want to run around killing people and causing chaos. My people just want to be able to relax and not worry about being hunted for our fur. Of course being able to do so while relaxing on a beach in the Caribbean and drinking champagne is just a bonus."

Xander thought about that for a moment and made a decision. "Xander Harris," he said offering a hand.

"Malcolm Brentwood, Doctor Malcolm Brentwood," the doctor replied doing a perfect Sean Connery.

"Okay, lay it all out for me. I know nothing about any of this. I was just told five minutes ago to come down here to be a guinea pig."

Malcolm rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Your father is one of the singularly most unhelpful examples of idiocy in ambulatory motion on two legs. Not only does he send a demon hunting teenager into a nest of unknown people for 'medical research' he sends one into a place that's full of demons masquerading as humans with obvious animal features. Its a wonder you haven't already hotfooted it to your little blond friend and her watcher, no offense intended Xander."

Xander shook his head ruefully, "That might be giving me more credit than I deserve doc, I've got the self preservation instincts of a lemming or so I've been told."

Malcolm again rubbed the bridge of his nose, and Xander grinned as he realized it was much like Giles' glasses polishing maneuver, "Teenagers …" he trailed off before looking at Xander sharply, "lemmings never leap over anything from which they cannot safely land so perhaps that was Watcher Giles' method of saying you may seem suicidal on the surface but in reality you are a survivor."

Xander paused thoughtfully, sticking his hands down into the pockets of his pants and leaning back against the exam table.

Seeing the young man was lost in thought Malcolm waited patiently for a few moments for him to work on the thoughts running through his head.

"So why me and what procedure?" Xander asked after a few moments of quiet contemplation.

"Let me answer that in reverse order. The procedure is called a shifting splice. You see quite a few people have non-human ancestry and don't know it. Normally that's not a big deal, as we can easily compensate for it, however there are species of demons with shape shifting abilities, even in the non full blood members. Of course that's really a misnomer, as there are no truly full blooded demons any more, but you get what I mean. As to why you? One of your great grandfathers was a Brachen demon. We chose you because of that fact. Provided everything goes well, I expect to be able to allow you to access your Brachen ancestry and a stable splice that will grant you all the benefits a normal splice would allow."

"As for why you in specific and not any of the other people with Brachen heritage we might have approached in this town; you have the most to gain and certainly would get the best use out of the procedure."

"What are the benefits of the splice?"

"As many and varied benefits as the animal kingdom allows, not to mention the various demonic kingdoms." Malcolm replied calmly with a smile.

Xander blinked, "You know doc that has some serious creep factor."

Malcolm chuckled, "I'm not planning to offer just anyone demonic upgrades, merely mentioning the possibility in all honesty to lay the cards on the table as it were."

Xander drummed his fingers on the table behind him thoughtfully as he gazed at the beige walls around him carefully, "What does having Brachen heritage mean for me hypothetically Dr. Brentwood? If you were to work your voodoo on it?"

"Ah, haven't read up too much on the peaceful races have you?"

"We don't tend to run into them much in our line of work."

"Point, but to answer your question even half Brachen demons have strength which compares favorably with that of a vampire; not just your average fledgling but a normal vampire. They're extremely flexible as most of their joints are double jointed; those with Brachen girlfriends definitely have no complaints if you get my drift. A sense of smell so acute that they can actually smell magic; I've heard it puts bloodhounds to shame. Lets just put it this way, you'll be able to tell what mood the girls are in a block and a half away."

Xander flushed, chuckling a bit; "I take it after a bit I wouldn't need a calendar?"

Malcolm smiled, "Exactly."

Xander grinned at the doctor, "Well, you have a lot more experience with this - what would you suggest?"

0oOo0

Xander yawned and stretched, before blinking blearily at his arms and then looking down at his chest. "Whoa, now I know how Spider Man must have felt when he first woke up. I got muscles in places I didn't know I had. " Xander then blinked, "Doc, are those spikes I have coming out of my hands?"

Amber chuckled throatily, "I take it the process was a definite success."

Xander's head whipped around to face her. "Why is everything in gray scale?"

"Don't worry, your color vision will come back in a half hour or so, your eyes just haven't adjusted to all the input yet," Amber replied as his nostrils flared and he sniffed several times.

Xander shook his head. "What's that smell?"

"Describe it for me," Amber replied, making notes on a clipboard as she looked over at him curiously.

"Musky, a little sweet … with a hint of salt, to tell you the truth it's making me a little hungry."

Amber grinned, looking down at his waist. "Among other things I see," she noted and he could see her cheeks darken.

"It just got stronger," Xander mused as her tail swayed a bit behind her.

"I think I'll send Doctor Brentwood in to see you now," she said as she swayed out the door swinging her hips with her tail moving flirtatiously.

Malcolm entered a moment later, dressed in the stereotypical white lab coat and eating a tuna sandwich. "How are you feeling Xander?"

Xander rubbed his forehead and yelped as he felt a warm diamond shaped object in the center of his forehead as well as stabbing the palm of his hand on a spike. "Great googly moogly! I feel like a porcupine!"

"Right now you look like one as well," Malcolm noted absently, "not to worry, you shifted into Brachen form due to the stress of the procedure. You can go back to normal at will."

Xander blinked looking himself over. "So... spikes on my face, whats this diamond shaped smooth thing in the center of my forehead?"

"I believe that is the Mohra demon anchor stone, though in an unexpected form … perhaps a genetic permutation due to the Brachen DNA that was also present."

Xander sniffed again hungrily as Malcolm approached him with a mirror. "Why do I have a Mohra demon anchor stone in my forehead?"

"Because Mohra blood is integral to the process and ensures that the subject; you in this case, survives. Though it seems we may have used a touch too much while compensating for the Brachen heritage. Well, we wont make that mistake again."

Xander winced. "So I'm going to have a diamond of some sort in my forehead?"

"Yes, but it looks quite fetching," Malcolm said, fluttering his eyelashes at him, "rather like Raven in the Teen Titans. Relax, girls love diamonds."

Xander shook his head ruefully. "Got another one of those sandwiches doc?" he asked as his stomach rumbled loudly.

"Several, I assumed you'd be hungry," Malcolm replied and rolled in a cart from outside the room with the requested sandwiches which Xander then tore into hungrily.

Between bites, Xander managed to ask, "So what does having the jewel mean for me exactly?"

"Best guess, without extensive testing which really isn't needed because it'll be rather obvious to you if things turn out the way I assume they will, you've absorbed more Mohra DNA than we had planned, meaning you'll require a higher salt intake... actually just normal fast food covers that. I swear the stuff most people eat is just begging for a heart attack. Anyway, I expect your... fluids will cause rapid cellular regeneration in anyone they come in contact with."

"What?"

"Kissing some one's booboo will actually make it better, of course the more fluid the better with certain ones being much more potent than others."

"I ... have mixed emotions about my friends finding out about that."

"Well with the amount of injuries a slayer normally gets doing her normal day to day job... you may end up spending quite a bit of time kissing her in a variety of places, and of course slipping her tongue in this case would practically be mandatory."

"And then again mixed emotions is rather a strong term," Xander muttered, searching for more food.

Malcolm chuckled, "I thought you'd see it like that."

"So no other surprises, no suddenly switching genders based on water temp or anything?" Xander asked carefully before frowning and pulling out the front of his pants to make sure everything was still there. "Its got spikes!"

Malcolm chuckled, "Don't worry about it, you can resume human appearance … though there is one thing about that."

Xander glared over at him with a raised eyebrow, "What?" he asked warily.

"Much like a cat's those are a lot softer than they look, or there would never be part Brachen."

Xander frowned thoughtfully. "So like a permanent french tickler? And those cats on the receiving end don't

ever sound particularly happy."

"Kinky isn't just limited to the human race you know. Are there any other questions?"

"Yeah, how do I change back?"


	2. Chapter 2

Spliced! Chapter 2

Xander examined himself in the mirror and grinned, showing off some impressive canines; rich brown eyes with a cat's vertical pupil with flecks of silver met his gaze, his skin was a few shades darker as was the hair on his arms, arms that now held some impressive muscle definition. His hand darted out and snapped a fly out of the air. "Doc, you were right on the money," Xander muttered, examining his thick black nails, "why bother with catlike reflexes when you can have a cat's reflexes?"

"Like what you see?" Doctor Brentwood smirked.

"If you weren't a guy I would kiss you!" Xander swore, "I feel like the bionic man."

"That's a good metaphor, I'll have to pass that on to our marketing department; we can rebuild you, making you stronger, tougher, faster and more attractive without costing you an arm and a leg."

"If you can get Lee Majors to do the commercial spots it'll be even better," Xander said, "having him go through the exercises they did at the age he is now is going to bring in tons of people."

"The cost is going to be quite a bit more than most people can afford, we're counting on numbers to drive the costs down in the future."

"Have you considered limited packages?"

"How do you mean?"

"The amount of money people spend trying to increase the size of some part of their body or decrease their overall size is obscene; a small splice just affecting that would make loads."

"Sadly splicing is pretty much an all or nothing deal; splicing just for that purpose would cost just as much as a normal splice."

"I suppose you could offer group deals for organizations like the hair club for men."

"That may be doable, I'll send it to marketing and let them deal with it; now, how do you feel?"

"Like a million bucks," Xander said happily.

"The complicated splice package you got would actually cost about a million five," the doc said smugly, "and that's without the Mohra factored in."

"Whoa," Xander said in shock.

"Yep, and you got paid five grand to do it – or rather your father did."

"Yeah, I doubt I'll see a cent of that money."

"True, but not only did you receive for free something your father could never afford but you are now more closely related to me or any number of other splices than him as well."

Xander chuckled, "Should I start calling you daddy?"

"Not on your life," Malcolm replied in utter deadpan but with a grin on his face.

"B-b-but …" Xander's eyes widened almost comically and began to glisten as his lower lip began to tremble.

"Gah!"

Amber chortled as she entered the room, her bell like laughter filling the enclosed space as she walked in with a plate of tuna sandwiches in her hands.

Xander's eyes darted from Amber's grinning face down to the plate of sandwiches, and across all points in between before she playfully stuffed half of one into his mouth and he instinctively bit down, "Mmmmm."

"I take it you enjoy the enhanced sense of taste that came along with your sense of smell?" Malcolm asked rhetorically as Xander chewed slowly, obviously relishing every bite.

Xander murmured something through a mouth full of tuna that he took to be assent.

"Now all that remains is for me to walk you through how to change back..." Malcolm began explaining to Xander …

0oOo0

Xander sat in a chair next to Amber's desk basking in her scent as he filled out some basic paperwork. "So, did you get the hang of shifting?" she asked curiously as she looked over at him.

"Yeah, check it out!" Xander said, his muscles expanding as he shifted spikes popping out of all exposed areas, "spikes out! Spikes in." He repeated as he continued the transformation a few times to demonstrate his new found skill then pulled out the front of his pants and looked down, "Spikes out, spikes in!"

"But you didn't change?" Amber trailed off questioningly.

"Yes I did, just not all of me," Xander grinned as a familiar smell began to fill the air, "so ..." Xander drawled nervously, "would you care to schedule a follow up exam with me? Say tomorrow night at eight?"

Amber groaned, "Damn statutory laws … I can't, I don't want Chris Hansen coming after me, besides how ridiculous would that look? A fox on To Catch a Predator?"

"Drat! Curse my youth," he waggled his eyebrows at her playfully, "and extreme stamina."

Amber whined through her nostrils, "You're not making this easy on me," she said shaking an accusatory finger at him.

"I'd make it hard on you given half a chance, or even given a quarter of a chance and a phone booth."

"Oh great, another random thing I'm going to associate with sex."

Xander paused before continuing thoughtfully, "Yeah! The glass ones!"

She continued his train of thought, "Where the bottom half is covered in blue with those doors that make that awful screeching noise when you open and close them."

"Great, now I'm not even going to be able to use a pay phone without thinking about having sex with you … great I'll call you!" Xander continued happily as the thought occurred to him.

"My number is one year, four months, three weeks and two days."

Xander replied with a well thought out, "Huh?"

"That is how long until I can have sex with you without winding up with a lesbian cellmate named Bertha who keeps poking me with the toilet brush."

Xander grinned, "I'll hold you to that."

"I hope so … the problem is where the hell are we going to find a phone booth at that point where we wont get arrested?"

Xander growled deep in his throat and passed her the paperwork on his follow up appointment and deliberately adjusted the bulge in his pants, causing her nostrils to flare and drawing another whine from her, "Are you sure I can just walk out in public like this?"

"Oh yeah, no problem; we haven't started advertising on public television yet but we have a website up and most people will just assume you're in costume anyway."

"Great, I'm going to be even more of an outcast ..." Xander muttered before trailing off, "on to a happier thought is there a possibility of some sort of referral program?"

Amber frowned thoughtfully, a very cute expression for her Xander found before rapidly typing on her computer making him wonder absently how she managed with her nails before moving her mouse and making several authoritative clicks with it and then her printer started whirring happily away. "I'll tell you what I can do as far as that goes; I've printed some business cards with your name and contact information as well as ours. Whenever someone hands me that card or mentions your name when they make a successful appointment I'll talk to Doctor Brentwood about compensation. Being as you are essentially a walking billboard, for our procedure." She smiled at him playfully to take whatever sting might be in her words out of the situation.

"Wait a second, why are you putting my contact information on there?" Xander asked as he tilted his head to read the upside down business cards in the printer.

She chuckled and grinned at him in a somewhat feral fashion, "Trust me, I think you'll be happy to have a ready source of contact information." She then handed him the stack of finished business cards after expertly removing them from the sheet they were printed on.

As she handed him the finished cards Xander muttered, "Well, now I suppose its time to go see how my friends like the new me; though maybe I should call Giles first."

"That would probably be a good idea, there's a pay phone ..." she shuddered unexpectedly.

Xander nodded as she trailed off before standing and adjusting himself again, "Yeah, I think I'll just walk over and talk to Giles first."

0oOo0

Xander made his way out of the clinic and turned left to head toward Giles' apartment. As he walked past a pet store all the puppies in the window jumped up on the glass and barked at him for his attention and a cute brunette passing by stopped and stared at him for a second.

"They really seem to like you."

He turned from the window and smiled before remembering his appearance, which he was reminded of when she took in a sharp breath. He quickly put his lips over his prominent canines. "Yeah, but puppies have always found me irresistible."

"They aren't the only ones..." She breathed out heavily before shaking herself. "Um...so what exactly are you supposed to be?"

"Oh this?" He said gesturing to himself, "It's a new gene therapy where they can splice animal DNA into your DNA giving you those traits."

She looked at him dubiously, "And you chose to be...a cat of some sort?"

"Among other things, I have their contact information if you're interested?" Xander smiled at her soothingly, being careful to keep his lips over his pronounced canines.

She took a shuddering breath, "Does it have your info on it?"

He grinned toothily at her as he produced a business card. "Actually it does."

The girl seemed rather flustered as she pocketed the card without looking at it, "So do you … maybe want to get something to eat and um...tell me more about this procedure?"

Xander smiled ruefully back at her, "Actually I have somewhere to be at the moment and I don't know all the details myself. But you can give Amber a call and she can set you with an appointment."

"Oh...okay..." She pulled the card back out and grinned hopefully when she looked back up into his eyes, "Xander, can I call you some time anyway?"

Xander was just a bit surprised by how forward the woman was being, but at the same time she was hot... "Tell you what, why don't you give me your number instead and we can get some coffee," he answered her with a grin.

She blushed but quickly pulled out a slip of paper and wrote her number on it and handed it to him before simply standing there looking at him expectantly. "Uh...okay then, I'll talk to you soon...uh..bye?"

He began walking away, looking over his shoulder once to see the woman still staring after him like she was starving and he was the juiciest, most delicious steak ever created. He shivered slightly as he turned and increased his walking pace. That feeling of unease built with every woman he passed in downtown Sunnydale. Soon he found himself walking faster until he was almost but not quite sprinting out of downtown to get away from the female citizens.

In no time he found himself in Giles' neighborhood and slowed down to a walk once more, barely registering that he had covered just over a mile in under two minutes and was barely breathing hard.

He rounded a corner to a familiar fence line with a large "Beware of Dog" sign hanging near the gate. He heard the growling of the neighborhood terror before he was close enough to poke his head over the fence. "Hello there Bruiser."

The dog quickly rushed the fence barking furiously and beginning to foam at the mouth but was cut short with a squeal as it reached the end of its chain. Sort of a "Bark Bark Bark YIPE!" forcefully reminding Xander of a Tom and Jerry episode. Unable to resist the temptation to taunt the dog he took the chance to test out his new DNA by jumping straight up and landing lithely atop the five foot fence. He began making extremely accurate tomcat sounds and shaking his behind at the dog; which promptly rushed the fence once more. "Bark Bark Bark YIPE"

"You know you are quite the pain in the ass during patrols, literally since I had to jump your fence that one time before you got the chain." The dog stared at him angrily, growling and snarling but not trying to rush the fence any longer. With one last warning yowl Xander hopped off the fence and continued onward because of the sound of footsteps coming from the house toward the door. "Later mutt!" He declared before jogging onward toward Giles' apartment and coming to a stop before the door.

0oOo0

Giles looked up from the book he was reading as someone knocked at his door. He carefully marked his place before closing the book and answering the door. Opening the door he saw Xander standing there, but something was different about him. Before he could figure out what the difference was Xander vanished in a burst of light, leaving his clothes lying on the ground.

"Is it Tuesday already?" Giles asked himself, before going inside to call the girls so they could figure out what had happened to Xander this time.


	3. Chapter 3

Spliced! Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Crackhead Joss owns Buffy the Vampire (S)Layer, and MGM owns Stargate SG1.

AN: I would like to thank dogbertcarroll and JustRuss for their help bringing this bit of fiction together and here we'll finally see the beginning of the crossovers.

Xander vanished in a flash of light only to find himself naked in what appeared to be a glass tube staring at a Roswell Grey, "You've gotta be shitting me!"

Before the big headed alien could speak a group of people arrived in a burst of light.

"Freeze Loki!" A grey haired soldier ordered, his men arrayed around him and another grey standing at his side.

Xander said the only thing he could in this situation, "Thank god you got here before he could probe me."

Loki ignored the soldiers and the funny looking rayguns they had pointed at him to stare at Xander intently; his finger hovering over a set of crystals, "Did your family move from the midwest in the last couple of generations?"

"Nope! Californian for over four generations," Xander swore fervently.

"Oh," The grey moved his hands away from the controls and allowed himself to be taken into custody.

"This behavior must stop Loki," The other grey said firmly, "experimenting on less advanced races has been forbidden."

"I will not allow ethics to prevent me from saving our race even if I am imprisoned and shunned because of it!" Loki replied, thoroughly unrepentant, "A single cell sample may prove the key to saving generations yet unborn."

Xander reached up and pulled out a few strands of hair and catching Loki's eye he dropped the strands on the floor of the tube.

"Thor beam us down with the kid and please make sure the council manages to keep ahold of him this time," the older soldier ordered.

"I will do my best Jack, however Loki is known as a trickster for a reason," Thor replied.

In a flash of light Xander found himself standing naked inside a military base; the number of armed soldiers was a dead giveaway there, "Wow, this is actually worse than my naked at school nightmare," he muttered.

"Somebody get the kid some clothes!" Jack ordered.

A soldier ran off and came back a moment later with a blue one piece coverall.

"Thanks," Xander said quickly putting it on, "and the name's not kid its Xander, Xander Harris."

"So, I bet you have a thousand questions ..." Jack said.

"Nope," Xander replied, "I only have two."

"Two?" The blonde haired woman who was one of the soldiers who had rescued him asked.

Xander was suddenly very glad he was wearing something as he focused his attention on her and his libido began to purr like a Ferrari, attractive older blondes appeared to be a weakness of his and something about her smell was just so enticing.

"Are you purring?" She asked, clearly shocked.

He groaned as he realized he actually was purring, "Kinda," he admitted after clearing his throat, "the two questions are; where is the door and which way to California?"

"What did he do to you?" Jack asked, thoroughly outraged on Xander's behalf.

"Nothing!" Xander exclaimed, "I got there a half a second before you did."

"The eyes, teeth and purring don't exactly back that up."

"I was like this before I was beamed up," Xander replied flatly, really not wanting to become the military's guinea pig.

"Uh huh, sure you were," Jack replied doubtfully.

"I was!" Xander declared firmly, shifting his stance unconsciously as he saw nearby soldiers tensing up.

"What's more likely? That Loki screwed with your DNA and implanted the belief that you were always this way or that you were part cat before he grabbed you?"

"Doesn't matter either way because I'm a citizen of the United States and not a soldier under your authority," Xander growled, getting a caged in feeling from the soldiers surrounding him waiting for just a nod to jump into action.

"Sorry kid, but until we can get you back to normal you aren't going anywhere," Jack said shaking his head; he hated to be put in this position but it was obvious Loki had screwed with the kid's DNA.

"I refuse all medical attention," Xander said firmly.

"And I call quarantine," Jack announced. "You were in a foreign environment; who knows what bugs you might have picked up?"

"A foreign environment your entire team was exposed to and one that is probably cleaner and more sterile than any operating room in the United States," Xander snarled, already preparing himself for a fight, "your quarantine is bullshit!"

"Maybe, but it'll give us the legal authority to hold you until we can fix what's wrong with you," Jack replied.

"I've got a question for you Jack, I undergo an expensive and revolutionary new medical technique and get myself spliced. Suddenly just after I leave I get kidnapped and am put through some interesting scenes where they claim they need to go over me medically with a fine toothed comb; what's more likely? That I was kidnapped by aliens or that someone in power wants to reverse engineer splicing so they can use it on their troops without paying anything?"

"Touche kid," Jack admitted, "Occam's Razor doesn't always work, but I can't let you leave until you're back to normal – so are you going to cooperate?"

"Alexander LaVelle Harris, civilian minor 555-28-8693," Xander said accepting the fact that a fight was inevitable.

"Bring him to medical," Jack ordered with a sigh.

One of the soldiers grabbed Xander's arm and he exploded into action, using what he thought was the same amount of strength he'd use on a vampire he slammed an elbow into the soldier's chest throwing him back and bowling over a trio of other soldiers.

An alarm sounded and soldiers started bringing their weapons up as Xander began to rush through Jack and his team before they had a chance to respond.

Teal'c immediately moved forward despite being surprised at the speed Alexander Harris was exhibiting and even managed to throw up a block before Xander started to swing but the teen's strength was such that Teal'c felt his arm snap as he was knocked down.

Xander hesitated as he saw the effects of his punch, having forgotten about his increased strength in the heat of the moment. That slight hesitation allowed Teal'c to roll with the blow enough to sweep his feet out from under him.

Much like a cat Xander flipped to his feet so fast it barely slowed him as he ran but a high pitched whine seemed to drill its way through his ears into his brain making him stumble as Jack's zat energized. The two seconds it took him to adapt to the noise was a half second too long as Jack smoothly turned and fired nailing Xander in the back and putting him down for the count.

Teal'c climbed back to his feet and straightened his broken arm without flenching, "I would very much like to know more about this splicing."

"Something Loki made up," Jack said, waving it off irritably.

"I wasn't aware Asgard genetic engineering was this advanced," Daniel said with an awestruck tone.

0oOo0

"This looks to be beyond anything we've seen before from any race, at a guess I'd say you'd have to engineer a clone invitro to cause such massive changes," Janet announced as she examined a computer model of Xander's DNA.

"We'll have to contact the Asgard and find out what Loki did with the real Alexander Harris," Jack replied wearily.

Jack turned and found himself staring into a pair of furious brown eyes from a teen strapped to a hospital bed.

"So first you claim I'm brainwashed and now you claim I'm not me," Xander growled, "I suppose that'll make it easier to run tests on me and dissect me since you can now claim I'm not a US citizen or even human."

"Its not like that at all," Jack said, "Loki is known for creating clones and messing with human DNA, we had to make sure your DNA was stable and you wouldn't degrade for your own safety and I'm sorry you're upset about not being the original but the work done on you is far beyond what the human race is even remotely capable of."

"Alexander Harris, civilian minor; 555-28-8693," Xander replied stonily, closing his eyes and trying to concentrate on his new senses.

He ignored Jack's excuses though he was almost sure that Jack actually believed them himself.

After a few minutes of talking and receiving nothing more than name rank and serial number a disheartened Jack left.

"He's just trying to help," Janet spoke up soothingly once Jack was gone.

"Being kidnapped and having my rights as a US citizen denied is hardly helping me," Xander said, subtly testing the straps he was bound with.

"I hardly call being rescued from alien captivity kidnapped and all the evidence points to you being a clone and not the original so your claims of being a citizen are meaningless I'm afraid."

"I was forcibly taken from where I was and not allowed to leave; that's kidnapping no matter how you slice it, and even if I turn out to be a clone the Xander I'm cloned from is a US citizen and thus all his children are too."

"Well I'm not experimenting on you or planning anything of that nature, I am simply ensuring you're healthy and going to stay that way."

"I specifically refused ANY medical treatment," Xander growled.

"Sorry, my orders are to see to your health and figure out what's been done to you," Janet explained.

"The germans had their orders too but it didn't save them at Nuremberg."

Janet whirled around, pissed and hurt about being compared to the Nazi's but was frozen by his glare, "Regardless of orders you've broken your oaths, I'm sure you comfort yourself by thinking I'm not human and that's exactly what the Nazi's did."

Janet closed her eyes and took several deep breaths before walking out of the medbay exactly as Xander had planned. He hated hurting the doctor's feelings but for him to escape he'd do it in a heart beat.

0oOo0

"What has Loki to say about our heavily mutated friend?" Jack asked, speaking to the holographic image of Thor.

"He claims not to have done anything to him," Thor replied, "is there something wrong? You seem unusually agitated."

"This whole situation sucks," Jack said, "I mean it was bad enough having to break the news to my own clone. He at least had the memory of my experiences to help him get through everything, but what's Alexander got? I'll tell you what! Nothing! He's a clone of a kid from California whose biggest problem was probably getting a zit before a big date."

"He's got you Jack," Thor replied firmly, "I'm sure you'll do your best to help him."

"As far as he's concerned I'm the enemy," Jack said bitterly, "and I'm not so sure he's wrong."

Thor tilted his head slightly and Jack was adept enough at reading Asgard body language to know that Thor would like to know more but didn't want to pressure him.

"He's a clone so his legal status is questionable," Jack explained with a sigh, "the abilities he's shown so far in the open where no doubt some mole has already reported on them would make any combat instructor drool. I can easily see orders coming down from on high to treat him like a test animal to get every scrap of medical data possible ... and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it."

"You would comply with such orders?" Thor asked.

"Hell no!" Jack exploded angrily, "but even helping him escape would just delay the inevitable. I need some way to keep him safe but I'm coming up blank here. I hate having to admit it but he was probably safer with Loki, I don't suppose you would consider adopting him?"

"He is a child of Asgard science," Thor allowed, "and Loki is related to me ... very well I will do so. Inform your people he is my fosterling and under the protection of the Asgard."

"Intruder on base, all personnel be aware that there is an intruder on base!"

"What is that?"

"I believe your son just did a runner."

A high pitched alarm went off.

"And set fire to the infirmary."

"He gets that from Loki," Thor decided after a moment's thought.

Jack laughed, Thor's acceptance having taken a load off his mind.

"I have Loki in stasis at the moment; I have reversed course and should be within teleporter range in a little under two hours."

"I should get Jon in here," Jack decided, "if anyone can empathize and help Xander deal with being a clone he can."

0oOo0

Jon looked at the two young airmen in the front of the jeep, "Can you tell me anything?"

"Sorry, our orders are to bring you to base to help with an emergency; we've got nothing more than that," the driver called back.

"Thanks," Jon drawled sarcastically.

The rest of the ride was in silence and he was rushed through security before he could actually ask anyone any questions.

As the elevator doors closed, Jon sighed impatiently "I hope this is important."

"No idea, we were both on our days off and were paged because we were closest to you," one of the airmen escorting him said.

"And I hope it turns out to be nothing," The other soldier escorting him said, "because I have a date tonight that I have been planning for months."

"Really?" his friend asked curiously.

"Yeah, tonight's the night I'm going to propose so I want everything to be perfect!"

Jon and the other airman hugged the walls away from him as if he was going to explode as the elevator jerked to a stop.

"Why'd the elevator stop and why'd you guys throw yourselves to the side?"

"Have you never been to the movies in your life?" Jon demanded.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"In the movies the guy who's about to propose or retire always gets it," the other airman explained.

"Life isn't a movie," he snorted just before the roof hatch popped open and a loop of rope dropped around him and jerked him out of the elevator.

"I called that," the remaining airman said, hugging the wall as the hatch slammed shut.

"Yeah," Jon agreed, "now you just have to sacrifice yourself to get me to my destination."

"What? Why do I have to sacrifice myself? How do we know you aren't going to be the next one gone so I can deliver a report to the general?"

"Because unnamed airman," Jon said smugly, "I'm a main character, as was demonstrated when they sent you to get me and when they verified my name before letting me in."

"Shit! You're right."

The two huddled in opposite corners of the elevator, staring at the roof hatch for several minutes.

"I have a name you know?" The airman said.

"Sure you do," Jon said comfortingly as they looked at one another.

"No, I really do!" The airman insisted anxiously, "its ..." a loud roar drowned out what he'd been about to say and drew their eyes to the now open hatch.

"That hatch opens far too quietly," Jon said.

"It knows the rules!" The soldier hissed nervously.

"What? No!" Jon shook his head, "it was just a coincidence."

"My name is," the airman tried again but another roar drowned him out.

"Okay, maybe not," Jon admitted.

The soldier pulled out his wallet and his ID card when the elevator was plunged into darkness. "Shit!"

"It was worth a shot," Jon said soothingly, "I don't suppose you'd turn the lights back on if we promised not to communicate his name?"

The lights came back on and they both breathed a sigh of relief until they noticed a handgun lying in the center of the floor with a noose around it.

"Oh come on!" Jon groaned, "nobody is THAT stupid."

The unnamed airman dove forward but the moment his hand entered the circle the noose tightened and he was yanked out of the elevator.

"Okay, I stand corrected," Jon muttered.

The rope dropped back down to circle the gun once more.

"Now that's just insulting," Jon said, "I can see from here that the magazine isn't in it."

The emergency phone rang and Jon quickly answered it, "Hello? Yeah? What? For cryin' out loud!"

Jon turned back around and wasn't surprised to find that the gun was gone, but he was surprised to see Jack's gameboy lying there.

"I've been told to tell you that if you let the elevator and me go that Jack will put an entire box of duct tape in your cell with his promise of no guards to get in your way of retrieving it.

The elevator started moving again.

"I don't suppose I can have the gameboy? It'd really drive Jack nuts if I walked out playing it like nothing was going on," Jon suggested.

The rope vanished and the hatch closed before he could blink.

Keeping an eye on the hatch Jon carefully retrieved the gameboy and quickly started a game. "Sweet! Tetris."

0oOo0

Jack and the rest of SG1 were waiting when the elevator arrived and the door opened to show Jon looking completely unconcerned and playing a gameboy.

"Where are your escorts?" Jack asked, looking in the elevator.

"They left," Jon said, "one was telling us he was going to propose and I didn't catch the other one's name."

Jack groaned, "They're probably duct taped to the walls of the elevator shaft."

Jon shrugged, "Care to tell me what the emergency is?"

"Loki was caught red handed once more but the kid we saved from him claimed he was just beamed up a second before we got there and refused medical treatment saying he was always part cat," Jack summed things up quickly.

"Part cat?" Jon asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, took down Teal'c with one blow and is quicker than greased lightning; has a quirky sense of humor and avoids causing any permanent injuries to anyone so its not nearly as bad as it could be. Thor should be here within an hour or so to pick him up so the NID won't try and dissect him to make super soldiers."

"And where do I come into all of this?"

"He's a clone who refuses to believe it," Jack said, "he needs someone he can talk with who can empathize with his unique situation; in short he needs a friend."

Jon nodded, "And being a clone myself I'm probably the only person on Earth who qualifies."

0oOo0

Xander dropped out of the small vent in the ceiling into the middle of the cell, startling Jon who'd been sitting there playing tetris.

"What the hell?" Jon stared at the vent which looked barely big enough to fit his head and a shoulder, and then back at Xander who was checking to make sure the box of duct tape was a full one. "You're the kid causing all the trouble?"

"Who you calling kid? You don't look that old to me," Xander fired back.

"I'm Jack O'neill's clone Jon, I got decades worth of memories even if physically I'm only 16," he explained.

"I noticed the similarities in scent and heard you guys talking," Xander admitted, "but that still doesn't change the fact that I'm not a clone. You'd think someone would be smart enough to look up DNA splicing on the net but no..." Xander drawled irritably, "everything's gotta be aliens or alien technology with you guys."

"Human technology just isn't advanced enough to create a super soldier like you," Jon said shaking his head, "being a clone sucks but you either deal with it or spend all your time moping over a life that isn't yours."

Xander sighed, "Refusal to consider anything but aliens when they've already admitted that no race they know of has the tech to create me."

Before Jon could reply an alarm went off and the speakers blared, "We have a foothold situation!"

"Foothold?" Xander asked.

"Shit!" Jon pounded on the door to let them know to let him out, "it means aliens have managed to get through the Stargate and get control of it."

Xander leapt up and started squeezing himself back into the vent in the ceiling.

0oOo0

Xander had overheard quite a bit while crawling through the vents, so he had a vague idea of what the Stargate was and even where the Gate room was.

Sure he could probably escape without too much effort but that would just lead to the military coming to his home town and he really didn't want to have to face masses of vamped military units, he had planned on just driving everyone nuts until someone grew a brain and looked up splicing on the net or they decided that making more of him was not something that any sane person would want but despite it running contrary to his plans he couldn't allow the base to be overrun by aliens with snakes in their heads.

Squeezing out of a vent into a supply closet he quickly armed himself and put on some BDUs, his hair was a bit long but his hat helped disguise that. Ignoring the soldier who was duct taped to the back of the door in his underwear he slipped out of the closet and joined the soldiers rushing to the gate room.

0oOo0

"Hold the line!" Jack called out as he fired his zat, its bolt glancing off the goa'uld's personal shield.

Despite their best efforts they were being pushed back by the black clad jaffa whose Darth Vader style armor shrugged off nearly everything they could throw at it.

Two soldiers refused to be pushed back, actually moving forward and relying on their complete lack of armor to give them the agility to dodge any staff blasts sent their way and Jack had a sinking feeling he knew who they were.

"Lay down some covering fire!" Jack ordered, trying to make it easier for the two kids he was going to have sent to the nut house when this was all over if they didn't drive him to it first.

Jon had all of Jack's memories; decades of black ops experience in dirty fighting in a body that hadn't even hit its prime yet and he was still struggling to keep up with Xander who he was almost sure was hanging back to help him out.

The two hit the front line of jaffa with Xander leading the way by the simple expedient of using a falling jaffa in his nearly impervious armor as a shield/battering ram.

"I call challenge!" Xander roared as he and Jon took down jaffa left and right by tripping them and letting their cumbersome armor keep them down as they were unable to get back to their feet without at least two other jaffa helping.

"Agreed!" The Goa'uld replied and everyone's weapons fell silent, waiting to see how things would play out.

"You face a god! You cannot prevail," the first prime said proudly.

Xander grinned and the goa'uld's eyes narrowed as he saw his eyes, "What manner of creature are you?"

"I am Xander; a trickster," he said tossing his hat aside and revealing his feline features.

"Have at thee!" The goa'uld called, starting up the festivities by sending an energy whip at Xander courtesy of his hand device.

Xander was already in motion before the whip reached him.

The goa'uld slashed at him again and again, getting angrier and angrier as he missed repeatedly and Xander closed in on him.

Xander was pleasantly surprised to find that whatever energy field the goa'uld had he'd apparently shut it off as Xander's first strike which he'd put a lot of power into to break through the shield instead struck the goa'uld solidly, sending him flying like a rag doll.

The goa'uld struggled to his feet, barely hanging on to consciousness.

"This is your god?" Xander asked the jaffa derisively, hoping to make them see that it had lied to them, "do you really think something that weak could be considered a god?"

The jaffa watched in shock as Xander slapped their god in the face several times to try and get his attention, "Wakey wakey little snakey!"

Xander snorted as the goa'uld stumbled back to lean against the wall, "Do you really consider this a god?"

Jon approached Xander, a little nervous about the anger the jaffa were showing towards the young man, apparently this snake had been charismatic enough to inspire loyalty.

Seeing that Xander's back was towards him and his current host was almost useless the goa'uld decided to take the warrior who'd bested him as a host.

Jon opened his mouth to call out a warning to Xander as the "god" opened his mouth and the goa'uld leapt out but before he could say anything Xander spun around with his mouth open to say something and the goa'uld slid right in.

"Shit!" Jon cursed.

The jaffa straightened up, sure that their god had just taken the feline warrior as a host but a second later Xander spit out the head of the goa'uld and burped.

Seeing the confused angry looks on the jaffa's faces Jon quickly nudged Xander, "Say something to calm them down!"

"Your god tasted like chicken," Xander announced in a pitch perfect Darth Vader voice.

Jon groaned, "We're so screwed."

The rumblings from the jaffa increased and they were just working themselves up toward avenging their god when Xander's stomach growled loudly.

"I'm still hungry," Xander announced, a flicker of primal energy making his eyes glow gold as he looked at the jaffa around him like they were food.

The jaffa dropped to their knees as one and pressed their foreheads to the floor, fear of being eaten alive like their god overriding any anger they might have felt a moment before.

Jon blinked and looked around at the sudden change in fortunes, "I think we can let everyone else handle this while we go get you some food."

"Okay," Xander nodded agreeably, a rumbling purr coming from him at the idea as Jon quickly lead him toward the dining hall.


	4. Chapter 4

Spliced! Chapter 4

"Is the food good here?" Xander asked as Jon lead him through the rows of kneeling Jaffa.

"Not as good as a home cooked meal, but a whole hell of a lot better than anything you'll find in a high school cafeteria," Jon promised earnestly.

"Do I need to tell you two how insane that was?" Jack asked while order was restored to the base and the Jaffa were pried out of their armor.

"It worked," Xander replied bluntly.

"That doesn't make it less insane, that just means it wasn't a stupid idea."

"I do insane well," Xander said shooting a big grin over at Jack.

"I can't argue with that," Jack admitted, "now if you'll excuse me I need to yell at my clone."

Jack and Jon moved a little down the hall and though the two kept their voices down there was much gesturing.

"AlexanderHarris," Teal'c said.

"Hey big guy, sorry about the arm; I'm still adjusting to my new strength," Xander apologized.

Teal'c's arm was in a thin white ceramic cast, "A minor injury, it will heal in a matter of days; I wish to speak to you about this splicing you have mentioned."

"I had some cards on me with contact information but Loki beamed me out of my pants," Xander said as he patted himself down before finding a notepad and pen. "Fortunately I remember the name of the website."

Teal'c accepted the piece of paper, "Thank you AlexanderHarris, this shall be of great help in our war against the false gods."

"Glad to be of service," Xander replied, "the process is expensive but worth it. Unfortunately you have to go to Sunnydale to get it done."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "Sunnydale?"

"Yeah, it's my home town. It looks like the perfect little town but make sure you're behind a locked door until the sun rises; don't ask why it's just safer that way."

"Racists?" Jack asked, only having caught the last bit as he returned with Jon.

"No," Xander replied, choosing not to elaborate, "and now in a total change of subject! Did you know I have ears like a bat?"

"Oh," Jack intoned with a wince.

"Yep, I heard every word you said," Xander said smugly, "and you do realize if he really is a clone of you with all your memories that you would have done the exact same thing in his shoes?"

Jack winced again as Jon began to grin.

"And of course that means you would have yelled at yourself in his situation," Xander pointed out to Jon who groaned.

"And on that uncomfortable note, why don't you two go eat while I clean this up..." Jack suggested.

Xander's stomach growled loudly enough to startle a passing airman, "And I third it, let's go!"

0oOo0

"Okay, try and convince me," Xander said after his fourth helping as they sat in the base's mess hall.

Jon sighed, "Despite Jack's good intentions I don't think I can. You heard everything we said in the hall so I'm sure you've got your counter arguments ready anyway."

"Yep," Xander agreed, "I know me and I know my friends; even if just for the sake of argument I turned out to be a clone, Xander and the Scoobs would still accept me."

"How can you be so sure?" Jon asked.

"Because I have all of Xander's memories and trust me when I say extra Xanders will be welcomed with open arms."

"I didn't get that warm a welcome," Jon said a bit bitterly, causing the approaching SG1 to exchange uneasy glances.

Xander waved it off, "Your friends are middle aged and consider anyone younger than them to be inexperienced children, while mine are mostly my age and the few older ones have been thoroughly disabused of the notion that age is a perfect indication of wisdom."

"Not to mention the doctors arbitrarily decided what my physical age was," Jon said perking up a bit, "after all I've seen people in their early twenties who could pass for teens, that's why they card people in bars."

"All age brings is gray hair and wrinkles," Xander chimed in, "experience brings wisdom."

"And I have all the experience of Jack O'neill in a much more physically capable body," Jon said sitting up straighter.

"If you ever visit Sunnydale, I'll introduce you to a two hundred plus year old dumb ass to prove it to you."

"Would not over two centuries of experience bring wisdom?" Teal'c asked curiously, causing Jon to jump a little as he hadn't realized SG1 was there.

"For the first half he was a demented psychopath and you don't learn anything doing the same thing over and over, and for the second half he pretty much sat around moping."

"Nobody lives that long unless they've got access to a good sarcophagus," Jack said shaking his head.

"See what I mean?" Xander asked Jon, "his only experience is with extra terrestrials, so everything is aliens to him – does that sound like wisdom?"

"Not really no," Jon replied just before the entire group of them vanished in a burst of light.

0oOo0

"And once again with the Roswell twins," Xander said, looking around at the featureless white room. "At least we didn't wind up naked this time …. damn it!" he finished under his breath.

"Did you just look at Sam and curse her lack of nudity?" Jon asked, having been close enough to hear.

"Intelligent, mature, beautiful, blonde," Xander said, counting the trait's off on his fingers as he named them, "the only way she could be any sexier would be if she were standing on linoleum holding boxes of twinkies."

"You've got a point … linoleum?" Jon asked while Sam blushed.

"An incident involving cooking oil and an older girl who was watching me, and that's all you'll get from me." Xander said while purring audibly.

"Yeah, that'd do it," Jack said.

"You're purring," Jon said out of the corner of his mouth.

"it's a very happy memory," Xander said thoroughly unrepentantly.

"Indeed," Teal'c said agreeably but with a wistful look in his eyes, "I remember a similar incident myself when I was younger. My wife's mother was applying perfume and accidentally got some in my eyes. It … was an eye opening experience for a boy on the cusp of manhood and feeling around blindly."

"Ah..." Jack said, "so the smell of perfume brings you back to that moment."

"No, the young girl who would later become my wife helped to wash the perfume from my eyes," Teal'c denied, "and she had silver bangles on that made a gentle chiming sound."

"Aww..." Sam said, touched by the romantic moment Teal'c was describing.

"Yes," Teal'c said proudly, "after she had washed my eyes and made sure I was well she began banging my head against a boulder, while soundly informing me that the only female I was allowed to touch there was her and only after we had been wed. Those bangles made the gentlest tinkling sound as she did so."

"Childhood sweetheart?" Jon asked.

"No, she was several years younger and quite an annoyance to me," Teal'c denied, "however she managed to enforce her will, not only upon me but upon every girl interested in me, which was many. Her tenacity and tactics were impressive and she grew into quite the beauty."

"Rack like her mother?" Xander asked.

Teal'c replied, "Indeed."

Sam groaned and turned to Jack, "You're unusually quiet," she said suspiciously.

"I have nothing to add," Jack replied.

"What about..." Jon began before Jack slapped a hand over his mouth.

"We have no opinions on this topic," Jack said firmly.

"What he said," Jon agreed after removing Jack's hand.

"So, why are we here?" Xander asked.

"Thor volunteered to adopt you," Jack said, "that way you'll be considered untouchable by the US government."

"Xander Thorsson," Xander said thoughtfully, remembering Norse naming practices while trying to wrap his mind around the idea. "Beats the hell out of Harris."

Thor stepped forward, "I have questioned Loki at length; he maintains he did nothing to Xander and he in fact chose him because of his unusual appearance."

"He's got to be lying," Jack said, shaking his head.

"The data recorders on his vessel bear him out."

SG1 looked over at Xander who grinned smugly back at them.

"But we aren't advanced enough to pull off something like this!" Jack complained.

"Still want to adopt me?" Xander asked, ignoring Jack's bellyaching.

Thor nodded, "Even if you are not a clone created by Loki it should still provide some protection from those who would seek to use you."

"Thanks," Xander replied, feeling strangely touched.

A pedestal rose from the floor, topped with a silver half sphere.

"Place your hand upon the interlocutor and I'll begin the adoption process," Thor offered.

Xander placed his hand as directed, "Feels warm."

"it's recording your DNA signature and registering it in all the ship's systems as my son as well as implanting the control unit for Mjolnir. You may remove your hand now."

Xander looked at the palm of his right hand and saw a small silver rune.

"You're handing over the keys of a star ship to a teenager?" Jack asked anxiously.

"I do not believe he is ready for that level of responsibility," Thor denied, "no, I am giving him my hammer which I named after my ship."

"Hammer?" Xander asked curiously.

"A force construct device," Thor explained, "simply curl your hand as if you were holding my hammer and will it to appear."

Xander curled his fingers and pictured the hammer from the comics, almost dropping it when it appeared in his hand, "I thought it'd be heavier," Xander intoned wondrously as he cradled the hammer as if it was his own child.

"It is composed of energy shaped by your will," Thor explained, "for instance when I used it to make a hammer it was much smaller and possessed a spike on one end."

"I like the Marvel comics version," Xander said as he hefted the hammer, a picture perfect replica from the comics.

"Energy constructs have very little weight and several interesting characteristics which I believe you'll discover on your own."

Before anything more could be said the walls started flashing red.

"Loki has escaped containment," Thor announced.

Jon quickly grabbed Xander, guessing what Loki would do next and was proven correct as they both vanished in a burst of light.

"Oh sure, now we end up naked." Xander drawled as he looked around yet another featureless white room.

"A flaw in my teleportation system," Loki explained, "considering the nature of my work I had to improvise quite a bit and clothes have never been a priority for my people."

"What have you done now Loki?" Jon demanded.

"Thor's scanning of my ship's memory archive triggered one of my contingency plans, which should keep him occupied for a number of hours while I escape."

"I think he means why have you beamed us here?" Xander explained.

"I only meant to retrieve Alexander Harris, your presence here is a surprise" Loki explained, "though a welcome one."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?" Jon asked rhetorically.

Loki ignored Jon, "Alexander Harris are you still willing to help me save my people?"

"it's Xander Thorsson now, but sure" Xander said agreeably.

"Excellent, your cells contain regenerative properties that should hold the key to my races rejuvenation but the sample you gave me was too small to isolate it."

"It would probably be better to get a sample straight from the source," Xander replied thoughtfully. "I had regenerative properties spliced into my DNA from another species."

"I was unaware human technology had progressed so far," Loki said thoughtfully while looking at Xander curiously.

"Human technology in general hasn't," Xander denied, "but in specific areas it has; what exactly is your people's problem?"

"Replication error," Jon answered, "they tried for immortality jumping from body to body and errors crept in. They used to be a lot like us but now ..."

"Do you have a sample of your original DNA or do you just want to regain lost abilities?" Xander asked.

"I wish to provide my people with the ability to reproduce once more," Loki explained, "so even if we pass on our children will continue. Revitalizing my current body so I do not expire would also be quite welcome."

Xander nodded, "Grab some gold and raw gems from the asteroid belt or what have you; I don't think they'll share the tech but as long as you can pay they'll have no problem fixing what's wrong with you."

0oOo0

"I believe that should undo what Loki did to my ship," Thor said.

"it's been hours; he could be anywhere!" Jack complained.

A dark haired man appeared in a flash of light.

"Friend of yours?" Jack asked.

"I do not … Loki?" Thor asked, his face somehow betraying his shock.

"It is I," Loki replied smugly.

"Where are Jon and Xander?" Jack demanded.

"Xander was returned to the exact spot I took him from at his own request and Jon decided to return with him." Loki replied easily.

"Where are your pants?" Daniel asked.

"You really should get that fixed," Thor suggested.

Loki shrugged, "A minor glitch, it is of no importance."

"Sam!" Jack hissed and she blushed and looked away realizing she'd been staring; Loki looked like some sort of anime character with abnormally large dark eyes and a muscular physique.

0oOo0

Xander knocked on the door while Jon looked around to make sure there were no witnesses.

"Yes, can I … Xander!" Giles exclaimed as the two pushed their way inside.

"I've been teleported all over the place and had my DNA altered!" Xander said quickly. "We need to borrow some clothes before someone sees us running around naked! Thankfully it's after midnight."

"Too late!" Chimed Buffy's voice cheerfully from behind them.

Spinning around Jon and Xander were treated to the sight of an amused Buffy and a furiously blushing Willow.

SLAM!

"Okay, Xander's no longer lost," Buffy said absently as she looked at the door to Giles' bedroom.

"I'll take Xander's clothes to him," Giles said, picking up the pile of clothes from the coffee table.


End file.
